Narcissism and how to deal with someone who is a narcissist

Susette Jarvis
Apr 20, 2023
13 min read

Updated: Sep 16, 2024

Introduction

Narcissism is a term that is often used to describe someone who is excessively self-centred or vain. Narcissists are often preoccupied with their own image and can be extremely difficult to deal with.

In this blog, we will explore what narcissism is, the signs and symptoms of narcissism, and how to deal with someone who is a narcissist.

What is Narcissism?

Narcissism is a personality disorder characterised by a pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often have an inflated sense of self-importance, a preoccupation with success and power, and a belief that they are special or unique. Narcissists often believe they have no further self-improvement to make and place the responsibility of growth on others.

They may also have an excessive need for attention and admiration, and can be manipulative or exploitative in their relationships with others. Narcissism can manifest in a variety of ways and can have a significant impact on a person's personal and professional relationships. They can be very charming and charismatic, but may also be manipulative and exploitative of others.

Signs and Symptoms of Narcissism

There are several signs and symptoms of narcissism that you should be aware of. These include:

A grandiose sense of self-importance:

Narcissists have an unrealistic and inflated perception of themselves, often believing they are superior to others in intelligence, talent, or beauty. They crave admiration and recognition, feeling entitled to special treatment, and may exaggerate their achievements and abilities. In addition, they may display contempt and disrespect towards those they consider inferior, and have little empathy for others' feelings or needs. This inflated self-image and lack of empathy can make it challenging for them to maintain healthy relationships with others.

A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love: Narcissists think very highly of themselves and believe they are better than others. They may daydream a lot about being famous or successful, and they expect others to treat them special because of their supposed superiority.

They may not care about other people's feelings, and they might use or manipulate others to get what they want.

Narcissists need a lot of attention and admiration from others, and they get upset when they don't get it. They feel entitled to special treatment and may become angry if they don't get what they think they deserve. Sometimes, they may take advantage of others to get what they want, without considering how it affects other people.

A belief in their own superiority and entitlement:

Narcissists think that they are very special and better than other people. They might feel like they deserve special treatment or privileges.

Narcissists tend to think that they have already done all the necessary work to improve themselves, while placing the responsibility for self-improvement on others.

They might not follow the same rules that other people have to follow because they think they're above them. This can make it difficult for them to get along with others or to work well with others as part of a team.

A lack of empathy for others:

One of the defining characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder is a lack of empathy or concern for others. Narcissists are often focused on their own needs and desires, and have little regard for the feelings or experiences of others. Narcissists might have a hard time understanding or caring about how other people feel. They may be insensitive to the needs of others. This lack of empathy can manifest in several ways. For example, narcissists may be dismissive of others' concerns or feelings, or may even ridicule or belittle them. They may also be unwilling to take responsibility for their actions and the impact they have on others.

It's important to note that while narcissists lack empathy, this does not necessarily mean they are incapable of feeling emotions themselves. However, their focus on their own needs and desires often takes precedence over the needs and feelings of others.

Narcissists often exhibit envy towards the successes of others.

This can make it hard for them to have healthy relationships with others and to be part of a community.

A tendency to exploit or manipulate others:

Narcissists might use other people to get what they want, even if it hurts those people. They might not care about how others feel, and they might do things that are unfair or hurtful just to get attention or praise from others.

They may manipulate or exploit others to gain admiration, attention, or other benefits. They might even try to trick or pressure people into doing things they don't want to do, just to benefit themselves.

This can be really hurtful to others and can damage relationships.

A need for constant admiration and attention:

Narcissists have an excessive need for admiration and attention from others, which is a key characteristic of their personality. They crave attention and praise to boost their self-esteem and reinforce their sense of superiority. However, their need for admiration is insatiable, and they always want more.

This need for attention and admiration is often accompanied by a sense of entitlement. Narcissists believe they are special and unique, and that they deserve special treatment and attention from others. They may become angry or resentful when they feel they are not receiving the attention or admiration they believe they deserve.

Furthermore, narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or rejection. They may react with anger, defensiveness, or even rage when they feel that their sense of self-importance has been threatened. They may also use manipulation and other tactics to get the attention and admiration they crave, even if it means hurting others or violating their boundaries.

A sense of entitlement to special treatment:

A sense of entitlement is a common trait among narcissists. They often believe that they are entitled to special treatment, privileges, and recognition that others are not. This can manifest in a variety of ways, such as expecting preferential treatment in social or professional situations, feeling entitled to special consideration or leniency when it comes to rules or regulations, or expecting others to cater to their needs and wants without question.

In relationships, narcissists may expect their partners to constantly praise and admire them, cater to their needs, and prioritise their desires over their own. They may become angry or defensive when their needs are not met, and may feel entitled to act out or lash out in response.

This sense of entitlement can be damaging to relationships and can make it difficult for narcissists to form healthy connections with others. It can also make it challenging for them to accept feedback or criticism, as they may feel that they are above reproach or above the rules that apply to others.

A willingness to take advantage of others to achieve their own goals:

Narcissists might use other people to help them get what they want, even if it's not good for those people.

Narcissists often have a self-centered and exploitative mindset, which means they prioritise their own needs and goals over others'. They may not care about the feelings, well-being, or rights of others, and may take advantage of them to achieve their own ends. This could manifest in a variety of ways, such as manipulating, lying, or coercing others into doing things for them, even if it's harmful or unfair to the other person.

This kind of behavior can be damaging to relationships, as it can erode trust and create resentment.

Gaslighting:

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic often used by narcissists. They deny, minimize, blame, deflect, project, withhold, or even use excessive words of love and admiration to confuse and control their victim's perception of reality, causing them to doubt their own memories and feelings. This behavior serves to maintain the narcissist's power and control over their victim.

If you suspect you are being gaslit, it's important to seek support from trusted friends or a mental health professional.

It's worth noting that not all narcissists will exhibit all of these signs and symptoms, and that the severity of these symptoms can vary. However, if you notice that someone consistently exhibits several of these traits, it may be a sign that they have narcissistic tendencies.

How to Deal with a Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be extremely challenging, but it is possible.

Here are some tips for dealing with a narcissist:

Set Boundaries:

Setting boundaries with a narcissist can be difficult, but it is an important step in protecting your own well-being. Boundaries are limits that you set for yourself to protect your emotional, physical, and mental health. When dealing with a narcissist, it's important to establish clear boundaries with them and communicate them assertively.

For example, if a narcissist is constantly criticising you or putting you down, you can set a boundary by saying something like, "I will not tolerate being spoken to in that way. If you continue to speak to me like that, I will end the conversation." It's important to be clear and direct with your boundaries, and to be prepared to follow through with consequences if the narcissist crosses them.

Enforcing boundaries with a narcissist may not always be easy, as they may try to manipulate or guilt-trip you into giving in. But it's important to remember that your boundaries are there to protect you, and that you have the right to enforce them. By setting and enforcing clear boundaries, you can protect your own well-being and limit the impact of the narcissist's behaviour on your life.

Don't Feed Their Ego:

Narcissists often have an insatiable need for attention and admiration, and they may seek this out by constantly fishing for compliments or seeking attention from others. Giving in to their demands for attention can actually reinforce their negative behaviour and feed their ego, making it even more difficult to break the cycle.

Instead, it's important to resist the temptation to feed the narcissist's ego by giving them excessive compliments or attention. This doesn't mean that you should completely ignore them, but rather that you should limit your interactions with them and avoid engaging in behaviours that reinforce their negative behaviour.

By not feeding the narcissist's ego, you are taking away their source of validation and attention, which may help to curb their negative behaviours and reduce the amount of drama and conflict in your interactions with them. Additionally, this may help to establish healthier boundaries and create a more positive dynamic in your relationships with others.

Don't Engage in Their Drama:

Narcissists often try to manipulate and control those around them through creating drama and chaos. They may do this by causing arguments, making false accusations, or stirring up conflicts. If you get pulled into their drama, it can be emotionally draining and difficult to manage.

To avoid being caught up in their drama, it's important to set boundaries and disengage from their attempts to create chaos. You can do this by refusing to argue or engage in conflicts, and instead focusing on your own emotions and reactions. This means not allowing their behavior to affect your emotions, and staying calm and detached when they try to provoke a reaction from you.

Remember that engaging in their drama will only give them more power and control over you. By staying calm and refusing to engage, you can take away their power and maintain control of the situation.

Be Prepared for Manipulation:

Narcissists are skilled at manipulating people to get what they want. They may use guilt, pity, or even flattery to get you to do what they want. They might try to make you feel sorry for them or convince you that you're the only one who can help them. They may also try to create a sense of obligation or indebtedness in you, even if they haven't done anything to earn your loyalty.

It's essential to recognise these manipulative tactics and not fall for them. Remember that their manipulative behaviour is not your fault, and you are not responsible for their feelings or needs. It's important to stay firm in your boundaries and not allow them to take advantage of you. You can also seek support from a trusted friend or a professional counsellor to help you deal with any manipulation or emotional abuse.

Seek Professional Help:

Dealing with a narcissist can be a difficult and overwhelming experience that can take a toll on your emotional well-being. Seeking help from a mental health professional who specializes in dealing with narcissistic individuals can provide you with the support, guidance, and tools you need to navigate the situation effectively.

A therapist or counsellor can help you identify and understand the manipulative tactics of the narcissist, as well as help you establish healthy boundaries and coping mechanisms. They can also provide a safe and supportive space for you to process your emotions and help you develop strategies for managing your feelings and reactions.

It's essential to remember that seeking professional help does not mean that you are weak or incapable. Rather, it is a brave step towards taking care of yourself and prioritising your mental health and well-being. One important thing to keep in mind is that narcissism exists on a spectrum, and not all narcissists are the same. Some may have more extreme behaviours or symptoms than others, and some may be more willing to seek help or change their behaviour.

It's important to understand that not everyone who exhibits narcissistic behaviour has a clinical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Some people may show these traits to a lesser degree or in specific situations, without meeting the full diagnostic criteria.

However, even if someone doesn't have a clinical diagnosis, their narcissistic behaviour can still have a negative impact on those around them. It's important to establish clear boundaries and protect yourself from the negative effects of their behaviour, whether or not they have a clinical diagnosis. By setting boundaries and recognising when someone's behaviour is harmful, you can take steps to protect your own emotional well-being and maintain healthy relationships.

Here are some additional tips for

dealing with a Narcissist

Don't take their behaviour personally:

Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and may act in ways that are hurtful or insensitive to others. It's important to remember that their behaviour is not about you or anything you've done. It's a reflection of their own internal struggles and need for validation. Narcissists may feel threatened or insecure if they don't receive the attention and admiration they crave, and this can lead them to act in ways that are hurtful to those around them. By understanding that their behaviour is not a personal attack on you, you can take steps to protect yourself emotionally and avoid getting pulled into their negative patterns of behaviour.

Use "I" statements:

Using "I" statements is a helpful communication technique that can be used when dealing with a narcissist. "You" statements can often come across as accusatory or attacking, which can trigger the narcissist's defensive behavior. In contrast, "I" statements focus on expressing your own feelings and needs, rather than blaming or criticizing the other person.

By using "I" statements, you can communicate your own experiences in a way that is less likely to be perceived as an attack or criticism. This can help to deescalate the situation and encourage more constructive dialogue. It also provides the opportunity for the narcissist to reflect on how their behavior is impacting you, without feeling attacked or criticized.

For example, if a narcissistic partner frequently cancels plans at the last minute without a valid reason, you might feel hurt and disrespected. Rather than saying "You're always so unreliable and selfish," you could try saying "I feel hurt and disrespected when plans are cancelled at the last minute without a valid reason." This statement conveys your feelings without attacking or blaming the other person, and provides an opportunity for constructive discussion and problem-solving.

Focus on your own needs:

Focusing on your own needs means that you should prioritise taking care of yourself and your own well-being. It's important to recognise that you cannot always meet the demands or expectations of a narcissist and that trying to do so can be detrimental to your own mental health and happiness. By focusing on your own needs, you are setting healthy boundaries and taking steps towards building a fulfilling life for yourself. This may mean saying "no" to certain requests or activities that are not in your best interest, or taking time for self-care activities that help you recharge and feel good about yourself. Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish, but rather a necessary part of maintaining healthy relationships and a positive sense of self.

Stay calm and composed:

Staying calm and composed when dealing with a narcissist can help prevent the situation from escalating and can help you maintain control. Narcissists may try to provoke a reaction from you by saying hurtful things or making unreasonable demands. They may try to engage in arguments or create drama to distract you from the real issue at hand. It's important not to get drawn into their tactics and to stay focused on your goals and priorities.

One way to stay calm is to take deep breaths or practice other relaxation techniques. You can also try to detach emotionally from the situation and focus on the facts rather than the emotions involved. It's also helpful to have a support system in place, such as a trusted friend or therapist, who can provide you with emotional support and help you stay grounded. Remember that you are not responsible for the narcissist's behaviour, and that your own well-being and safety should always come first.

Trust your instincts:

If you feel like something is not right, don't ignore it. Trust your gut and pay attention to any red flags.

Keep a record:

Keep a record of incidents that make you feel uncomfortable or confused. Write down what was said, where and when it happened, and how it made you feel.

Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissist can be a challenging experience as they tend to have a distorted sense of self-importance, entitlement, and a lack of empathy for others. However, it is possible to manage their behavior and protect your own well-being.

One way to deal with a narcissist is to set boundaries and communicate them clearly. This means identifying what behavior is unacceptable to you and letting the narcissist know what you are and are not willing to tolerate. It's important to be firm about enforcing these boundaries and to follow through with consequences if they are crossed.

Another strategy is to avoid feeding their ego. Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration, so it's best not to give them the satisfaction of compliments or attention that they seek. Additionally, don't engage in their drama, as this only serves to further inflate their ego and drain your energy.

It's also crucial to be prepared for manipulation as narcissists are skilled at manipulating others to get what they want. By being aware of their tactics and standing firm in your boundaries, you can protect yourself from falling victim to their manipulation.

Lastly, seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in narcissism can provide you with the necessary support to manage the stress and emotional impact of dealing with a narcissist.

Remember, prioritising your own well-being and not letting a narcissist's behavior control your life is key to managing the situation.

If you like this blog, please hit the like button and share it with friends. Thankyou 🙏

Reach out to me with any questions you can put them below or privately DM me on my Facebook page or Instagram or send me an email at susette@susette-holistichealing.com

Love and light to you all 🙏🙌